Backmasking

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Kids,

let me set the record straight

about “rock-n-roll” music.

It is an instrument

of evil-

a tool of demons,

devils,

and those who serve them.

It will rot your brain,

morally bankrupt you,

and turn you into a pawn

of satanists.

Don’t panic,

don’t “turn on,

tune in,

and drop out,”

and don’t you dare buy another album.

“It’s not all bad,”

you might be saying to yourself,

but you’d be wrong,

and here’s why.

The devil is clever,

he hides his demands,

in the music in two ways.

1) He has his messengers carry out

their acts of debauchery in real life,

instead of talking about it.

Monkey see, monkey do.

2) They hide their messages in their songs,

and it’s as simple as listening

playing the track

backwards,

to reveal their evil intent.

You can beat the Devil,

just keep your wits about you.

Kids,

why can’t you listen to nice music?

Omissions

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Without “you,”

the phrase “you don’t talk to me anymore”

demands an entirely different kind

of response.

“All you can eat, kids free”

Lacks some needed nuance,

Without the comma.

Although synonymous

An “I don’t know,”

Can create a lot less drama,

Than a shrug and a grunt.

Just one tiny piece in a conversation

Is key

In understanding

Misinformation.

You may fill in the blanks,

With what you want to see,

Or miss the forest for the trees,

In making assumptions.

Sometimes you can say everything

You need to say

By not saying anything.

Direct-to-Video

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Purgatory can be found on Earth,

In thrift stores,

bargain bins,

And supermarkets.

Names and faces,

Some famous,

Some strangers,

Etched forever into

Sequels no one asked for,

To movies no one’s heard of,

Residing in everyday

Neighborhood haunts.

Horrifically corny schlock,

Poorly-written nature docs,

For children,

And TV movies that aired once.

No one makes something,

That no one is supposed to see,

But you wonder

whether these people

are where they want to be,

When you can buy half their filmography

for five dollars

and get one for free.

But maybe this is their dream,

To do what they love doing,

Make scenes,

And be seen,

Without being heard of.

Those souls are in my thoughts

For now.

RE: Red Tape

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Dear [POLICY HOLDER 112A-47D43],

As our valued customer, we encourage you to give us your raw unfiltered thoughts regarding our service. But please keep in mind our standards guideline, and to be as polite and favorable to us as possible to us.

As our valued customer, you know about our commitment to freedom of speech and access to information. You are hereby granted free access to our mission statement, press releases and pricing structure whenever you like.

As our valued customer, we want to remind you that we have an upcoming change in our pricing structure. Instead of our previous flat-rate, we have decided on a freedom-enhancing pricing structure that dramatically increases with your use of our service. If you, like 94% of those surveyed in our recent poll of valued customers, were not only overwhelmingly positive but only use 1-3 websites per day, you could save upwards of $5 a month! What a deal!

Here at Liberty Bell, we feel the same way as you, we’re sure. That less freedom, is more freedom! Thank you for your patronage.

Sincerely,

Liberty Bell Telecom

Planned Obsolescence

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You can put lipstick on a pig,

but at the end of the day,

the shade may just go out of style,

because of controversey

over animal-testing.

I’m telling you this,

on perhaps the most important invention

of our time,

using architecture and infrastructure,

built by brilliant minds

and billions of tax dollars-

that is being sold back to you monthly,

bundled with cable TV and a landline,

that serve as expensive

background noise,

A smartphone accomplishes all of this,

Just don’t let it shatter, bend or explode.

Cars these days,

are safer than ever before,

because fender-benders,

smash their plastic bumpers,

spiderweb-crack their Plexiglas,

and collapse their every crumple zone,

like an empty tissue box,

to be thrown in the trash,

and left out on the curb every Tuesday.

It’s very hard

To practice what you preach,

When screaming,

“Waste not want not,”

While standing at the summit,

Of your own personal

massive garbage heap.

Troubleshooting

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After a few quick scans

I’ve found it in myself

to put together a damage estimation,

And hold in my hands,

Some summons, subpoenas and citations.

*Ahem*

Cracked two teeth on prickly pear pits,

From breakfast,

Scuffed-up my running shoes which didn’t fit,

3 toes stubbed,

Forearms covered in thorns,

From when I tripped into the shrubs.

Bumps on my crown,

From fallen acorns,

During the post workout cool-down.

And bruised shins,

I think I just woke up with.

Would plead no contest,

But won’t bother showing up to my court date.

I am,

Henceforth,

Placing myself on house arrest,

As my own harshest critic,

Judge, jury and executioner.

Bad Vibes

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It turns out,

Saying “don’t be nervous,”

Is a great way,

To be counterproductive.

Fear is self-sabotage,

And more often than not,

Fired in an unexpected,

Barrage.

Like a bull in a china shop,

It raises hell,

And won’t stop,

Prancing,

And dancing all over,

Your most precious,

FabergĂ© eggshells.

The floor,

Wasn’t a great place,

To put those,

If I’m being honest.

But that’s not important,

Anymore,

Because it’s time to acknowledge,

These animals in the room.

Quick,

Go get some tweezers,

And glue,

While I patch up,

The kicked-down door,

So no more,

Come through.