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RE: Red Tape

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Dear [POLICY HOLDER 112A-47D43],

As our valued customer, we encourage you to give us your raw unfiltered thoughts regarding our service. But please keep in mind our standards guideline, and to be as polite and favorable to us as possible to us.

As our valued customer, you know about our commitment to freedom of speech and access to information. You are hereby granted free access to our mission statement, press releases and pricing structure whenever you like.

As our valued customer, we want to remind you that we have an upcoming change in our pricing structure. Instead of our previous flat-rate, we have decided on a freedom-enhancing pricing structure that dramatically increases with your use of our service. If you, like 94% of those surveyed in our recent poll of valued customers, were not only overwhelmingly positive but only use 1-3 websites per day, you could save upwards of $5 a month! What a deal!

Here at Liberty Bell, we feel the same way as you, we’re sure. That less freedom, is more freedom! Thank you for your patronage.

Sincerely,

Liberty Bell Telecom

You’d be Surprised

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At the open-air bazaar of ideas hangs

A smog of apocrypha,

So thick,

You could bottle it,

For any one eager and gullible enough,

To buy.

Yet filtering the miasma,

Of misinformation,

For its kernels of truth,

Shows how easy it is,

For certainty to be crowded-out

by lies.

It covers your face,

With thick soot,

The smell lingers

And stains your clothes-

The gasses

will burn your eyes.

But just because the truth is scarce,

Does not mean it’s not worth the trouble,

Of uncovering-

Keep your hazmat suit handy,

And your goggles on.

Prospecting is a hard days work,

For little pay,

But, nevertheless,

You will find it enriching

If you see it through.

Ransomware

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With one careless,

errant click,

the line I cast

with which to phish

has gotten a bite.

I seemed to be his boss “Theresa” —

but with an “e”

at the end.

He completed his normal routine

without another thought,

like a good worker would,

sent me his credentials —

when I felt the time was right,

I reeled him in.

His company put all their eggs in one basket,

so I decided,

to scramble them.

For a small fee,

I will unencrypt,

What they so graciously

gave me,

at my own discretion.

Phishing is not a contact sport,

it is not fraught with danger,

you can lounge in your robe,

and not leave your seat.

Still,

it’s not for the faint of heart.

What webs we weave,

when we practice to deceive,

but at least there’s some money in it.

Troubleshooting

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After a few quick scans

I’ve found it in myself

to put together a damage estimation,

And hold in my hands,

Some summons, subpoenas and citations.

*Ahem*

Cracked two teeth on prickly pear pits,

From breakfast,

Scuffed-up my running shoes which didn’t fit,

3 toes stubbed,

Forearms covered in thorns,

From when I tripped into the shrubs.

Bumps on my crown,

From fallen acorns,

During the post workout cool-down.

And bruised shins,

I think I just woke up with.

Would plead no contest,

But won’t bother showing up to my court date.

I am,

Henceforth,

Placing myself on house arrest,

As my own harshest critic,

Judge, jury and executioner.

Verbena

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Soothing clover,

Smoothing over,

Lingering soreness.

Warm tea,

Is all your senses

take in.

You can’t find it in you to panic,

About the day,

Anxieties melt away,

Nothing left to say,

Just watching the morning.

Sometimes meditation 

Is part of your routine–

Sometimes you do it 

as soon as you 

awaken.

Sometimes you do it,

In the middle

Of an intense run.

Sometimes you do it

while you eat

your morning oatmeal.

Just being there

For right now

Is all the relief

you need.

Cult-Classics

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Night falls,

As Ana slides open the screen-door,

And snuck into her house with her friends,

While her parents 

sleep peacefully,

Unaware of tonight’s meeting.

The following entered single file,

Approached the shelf,

gathered around,

And pored over

the needed materials.

Meticulously,

They made their selections,

Offerings that each member agreed to.

Each had their own predilections

Toward eighties ultra violence,

Black comedy,

Or pre-recorded VHS tapes,

Of since-cancelled television,

With commercial breaks,

Intact.

“Cut the lights,”

The time has come

for another sleepless night,

Sitting entranced.

Volume at near-silence,

Doors tightly shut,

Muffling cheers for the anti-hero,

Laughter and schadenfreude,

Shuffling seats,

To avoid

potential tut-tuts

Of disgruntled authority.

Tulip Mania

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You’ve heard of that old saying, right?

“One man’s trash,

Is another man’s,

Economic crash,”

You know?

The humble tulip,

A discovery from the new world,

Became a Dutch sensation,

Overnight.

With this bulb-market,

Came speculation,

Large amounts of liquidity,

And rising valuation,

That sowed a coming disaster.

As quickly as it came,

POP! went the bubble,

Consumers, cultivators,

Merchants, kings and peasants,

All came tumbling down.

Spanish Moss

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I’m an acrobat,

Amongst the arches,

Along your branches.

I’m airborne,

It just looks like I’m slipping through,

But trust me,

I will stay with you,

Sway with you,

If you don’t mind it.

Sorry about the bugs,

They seem to like me,

I’m a little scraggly,

Looking a bit worn.

I’ll keep you warm,

But not smothered,

You scratch my back,

I’ll keep yours covered.

Player Piano

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A musician never acts alone,

Unless, of course,

they happen to be a drone.

Pay no attention,

To the fact that,

There is no one in front of the curtain.

Études are meant to showcase one’s skill,

But with the amputation,

Of middlemen,

There is no risk,

No drama,

In such a piece.

Chopin’s Opus 25 Number 11,

“Winter Wind”

Played with ruthless calculation,

Feels like little more,

Than a brisk,

Cakewalk.

Heartbleed

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A bait-and-switch,

Give and take,

Fake Out.

I gave the server,

A blank note,

She did a double-take,

And blurted all her client’s

Names out.

That was taboo,

But she never got the memo–

Maybe it was wrong of me,

To do.

It felt a touch exploitative,

Though I assure you,

A hacker never uses

Their sleight-of-hand,

Technical prowess,

And strong communication skills,

for evil,

Unless they feel like it.